1
00:00:05,560 --> 00:00:08,080
FOGHORN BELLOWS

2
00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:18,047
- Evening, Vincent.
- Ronnie.

3
00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:19,333
Beautiful spot.

4
00:00:19,750 --> 00:00:21,965
I guess, if you like big metal boxes.

5
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,325
Oh, I do.

6
00:00:23,611 --> 00:00:27,005
All these different coloured boxes
carrying goods across the world.

7
00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:29,724
You know, I look at those containers
and do you know what I see?

8
00:00:29,845 --> 00:00:31,462
Good places to store bodies.

9
00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:33,895
Very funny, although they really are.

10
00:00:34,069 --> 00:00:36,285
No, I see bunts, young Vincent.

11
00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:38,685
They're like lucky dips bags,
you never know what's inside

12
00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:40,885
until you break into one
and then nick it.

13
00:00:41,723 --> 00:00:44,125
Well, I'm sure you didn't drag me
all the way out here to romanticise

14
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:46,128
some rusty fucking crates, Ronnie.

15
00:00:47,008 --> 00:00:48,063
How's business?

16
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:52,562
Figures are down again this month,
but I've got it under control.

17
00:00:52,940 --> 00:00:55,362
My rival's had an opening
month bump, nothing more.

18
00:00:55,398 --> 00:00:57,483
- Won't happen again.
- I hope not, Vincent.

19
00:00:57,839 --> 00:00:59,905
Otherwise I might be forced to
give you a tour of the inside

20
00:00:59,941 --> 00:01:01,750
of one of these rusty fucking crates.

21
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:08,959
OK, now the pep talk's out the way,
I need a favour.

22
00:01:09,379 --> 00:01:11,838
- What is it?
- It's my boy, Ronnie Junior.

23
00:01:12,402 --> 00:01:14,367
Let's just say
he's been having a few issues

24
00:01:14,403 --> 00:01:16,042
in the employment market.

25
00:01:16,750 --> 00:01:19,004
I need you to take him on at Cachet.

26
00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:21,355
It's not exactly convenient timing.

27
00:01:21,391 --> 00:01:23,001
Oh, it is for me.

28
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Lyndsey's been banging my earhole
about getting him a job,

29
00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:27,806
and obviously I can't have him
working alongside me

30
00:01:27,842 --> 00:01:29,218
in the family business.

31
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:32,045
- You want to protect him?
- No, no, no.

32
00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:34,480
It's, um, how can I put this?
It's more, he's...

33
00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:38,285
He's just fucking strange.

34
00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:39,583
What can you do, eh?

35
00:01:40,206 --> 00:01:42,426
Unconditional love
can be a terrible burden.

36
00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:44,760
Great.

37
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,040
- Do I get a choice?
- Of course.

38
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You can say yes, or you can
spend the next eight weeks

39
00:01:51,593 --> 00:01:54,473
in that yellow container up there
being shipped to South America.

40
00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:57,548
HE WHISTLES

41
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,890
Junior, come and meet Vincent.

42
00:02:03,187 --> 00:02:04,592
He's your new mentor.

43
00:02:05,106 --> 00:02:06,431
Pleased to meet you, Junior.

44
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:08,920
It's RJ to everyone else.

45
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,782
Have you done any sales before, RJ?

46
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:14,496
There is nothing you can teach me
that I do not already know.

47
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,925
- Oh, good.
- Right,

48
00:02:17,219 --> 00:02:19,365
I see you two are going to
get on like a house on fire.

49
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,525
Already starting to feel
like a right gooseberry.

50
00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:23,280
So, see you lovebirds later.

51
00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:28,000
MUSIC: Church Of The Poison Mind
by Culture Club

52
00:02:36,019 --> 00:02:40,019
Sync and corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com

53
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,735
More charred meat, girls.

54
00:02:43,828 --> 00:02:46,068
I'd go for the sausages, if I were you.

55
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,189
Unfortunately
this isn't a dream sequence.

56
00:02:55,260 --> 00:02:57,645
No, there's no waking up
from the living nightmare

57
00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:00,725
that is little prick's
annual staff barbecue.

58
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:04,653
Silencio, silencio, por favor.
Gracia, muchas gracias.

59
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:07,053
Exciting times here at Millman Young.

60
00:03:07,089 --> 00:03:11,134
Hopefully this little shindig goes
some way to saying thank you,

61
00:03:11,507 --> 00:03:15,393
not just to my colleagues,
but to the wonderful wives

62
00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:19,527
and partners who help support
and nourish my team.

63
00:03:19,963 --> 00:03:21,691
So, thank you, ladies.

64
00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:23,769
Thank you, ladies.

65
00:03:24,042 --> 00:03:26,887
Now, I'm just going to talk shop
for one moment longer.

66
00:03:26,923 --> 00:03:29,119
I am delighted to announce

67
00:03:29,237 --> 00:03:30,778
that we are going to promote Sam Swan

68
00:03:30,814 --> 00:03:32,764
to a position in the
sales advertising team.

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00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,013
Congratulations, Sam.

70
00:03:34,049 --> 00:03:36,094
- You deserve it, sweetheart.
- Hear, hear.

71
00:03:36,651 --> 00:03:38,291
Congratulations, my darling.

72
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,925
Now, can everyone get back to eating
barbecue and bitching about me

73
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:43,966
behind my back.

74
00:03:46,698 --> 00:03:48,944
Vincent, it's great to have you here.

75
00:03:49,362 --> 00:03:51,927
Actually, what Andrew said when
he first planned this barbecue

76
00:03:51,963 --> 00:03:53,888
was, "I have to invite Vincent.

77
00:03:53,924 --> 00:03:55,564
"I don't want to, but I have to."

78
00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:00,205
Listen, I know we've had our
differences but I'm really

79
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,865
- glad you came.
- Wouldn't miss it for the world.

80
00:04:02,077 --> 00:04:04,322
- Patronising little prick.
- Vincent, stop.

81
00:04:04,358 --> 00:04:05,335
Right.

82
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:09,565
Are we are ready for the
fifth annual Millman Young

83
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:10,697
World Cup of ping-pong?

84
00:04:10,733 --> 00:04:12,538
SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

85
00:04:12,971 --> 00:04:15,616
Oh, this day just gets
fucking better and better.

86
00:04:15,745 --> 00:04:18,950
Right, gang, time to get serious.

87
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:21,805
This year we're playing mixed
doubles, not spouses together

88
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:24,513
because I will not be held responsible
for any divorce proceedings.

89
00:04:24,549 --> 00:04:27,325
So the pairings are as follows.

90
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:31,972
Sally and Chris, Melinda and Bob,
Bess and Jim, Sam and myself,

91
00:04:32,203 --> 00:04:37,328
Vincent and Pat, June and Martin,
Ann and Alan, Angela and Norman.

92
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,113
- Who's Pat?
- I am.

93
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,765
You are going to have to do most
of the work, I'm afraid.

94
00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:43,765
Well, the upside of
doing a stint in borstal,

95
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,987
Patrick, is it's like a crash course
in table tennis. Come on.

96
00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:52,005

 Here I am 


97
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,565

 Rock you like a hurricane 


98
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,885

 Are you ready, baby? 


99
00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:59,685

 Here I am 


100
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:03,925

 Rock you like a hurricane. 


101
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:06,885
My borstal bat skills just
about made up for my partner

102
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:09,937
being so close to death's door that
he could play knock-down ginger on it.

103
00:05:10,514 --> 00:05:13,319
Eventually I dragged the dead weight
of Pat all the way to the final,

104
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,685
which pitted me against my wife
and the world's most

105
00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:17,120
competitive garden gnome.

106
00:05:17,156 --> 00:05:20,525
The score was 20-17,
which gave them three match points.

107
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:21,902
If the table's too high,

108
00:05:21,938 --> 00:05:23,805
I don't mind you using
a stepladder to serve.

109
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,328
I won't be needing that, thank you.

110
00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:28,643
Go on, Sam.

111
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:30,935
OK, OK.

112
00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:33,420
- Sorry.
- 20-18.

113
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:40,367
20-19.

114
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:42,885
When you get a chance,
you've got to take it, Sam.

115
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,541
Vincent's fucking serving now.

116
00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:47,061
- Sorry.
- You had the chance, Sam.

117
00:05:48,194 --> 00:05:50,085
Stop apologising and
take responsibility for it.

118
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,185
OK, I will, I promise,
I'll do better next time, yeah?

119
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:53,826
If there is a next time.

120
00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:00,188
Yes, that's it.

121
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,165
For fuck's sake, sorry, Pat, mate.

122
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:06,480
You useless bastard.

123
00:06:09,902 --> 00:06:11,965
I'm sorry if I got a little bit
spiky just then.

124
00:06:12,001 --> 00:06:14,263
No, you didn't. Honestly,
it's fine, forget about it.

125
00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:22,885
I have to admit, you were
pretty sensational today.

126
00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,285
Every once in awhile, Samantha,
you've got to take one

127
00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:26,563
- for the team.
- Mmm.

128
00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:31,765
What I was thinking, it's only
fair that if you get to take

129
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,617
one for the team, then so should I.

130
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,925
Now, come on, Vincent Swan,
I need you to be the bigger man

131
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,546
one last time today.

132
00:06:42,396 --> 00:06:43,679
What's wrong, baby?

133
00:06:43,715 --> 00:06:47,485
I'm sorry, Pat,
I've just got a lot on my mind.

134
00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:49,165
- Walshie.
- Sort of.

135
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,485
If that sneaky bitch he's
got selling for him keeps

136
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:54,632
stealing our business, I'm not
going to hit my target this month.

137
00:06:55,211 --> 00:06:57,930
Well, at least money is
not as much of a worry,

138
00:06:57,966 --> 00:07:01,456
now we've got the two salaries
and I'm getting a raise.

139
00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:04,786
And so, it seems, is Mr Winky.

140
00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:07,440
He certainly is.

141
00:07:11,214 --> 00:07:12,259
Don't worry.

142
00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:14,811
I'll have this situation
under control soon.

143
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:18,153
I managed to set a little trap
and Walshie's golden girl is walking

144
00:07:18,189 --> 00:07:19,514
straight into it.

145
00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:21,091
What kind of a trap?

146
00:07:21,127 --> 00:07:22,572
The sweetest kind.

147
00:07:22,878 --> 00:07:24,036
A honey trap.

148
00:07:24,682 --> 00:07:26,487
And guess which sap was the honey?

149
00:07:26,523 --> 00:07:29,168
As part of his quest to become
more ruthless in sales,

150
00:07:29,204 --> 00:07:31,249
Lavender jumped at the opportunity.

151
00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:33,770
It also didn't hurt that the bee
in this particular honey trap

152
00:07:33,806 --> 00:07:36,255
was hotter than Satan's
arsehole after a vindaloo.

153
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:38,685
Hiya. It's Jo, isn't it?

154
00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:42,005
You ran the peak performance
seminar I went to.

155
00:07:42,131 --> 00:07:44,296
Sorry, I'm Martin Lavender,
Cachet Windows.

156
00:07:44,332 --> 00:07:47,112
Ah, Mr Be-More-Assertive.
How are you doing, Martin?

157
00:07:47,350 --> 00:07:48,718
I just want to say

158
00:07:48,781 --> 00:07:51,404
you really completely transformed
my whole approach to sales.

159
00:07:51,502 --> 00:07:53,747
In fact, I honestly wouldn't
be selling at all any more

160
00:07:53,783 --> 00:07:54,770
if it wasn't for you.

161
00:07:54,806 --> 00:07:56,111
Shot myself in the foot, then.

162
00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,832
I know you're working,
I just wanted to say thanks.

163
00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,683
- Where are you heading?
- Hot lead, number eight.

164
00:08:02,814 --> 00:08:04,299
The Talbots.

165
00:08:04,482 --> 00:08:06,567
Sneaky two-timing bastards.

166
00:08:06,603 --> 00:08:07,968
Oh, double bookers.

167
00:08:08,004 --> 00:08:09,257
How do you want to handle this?

168
00:08:09,442 --> 00:08:10,687
- All yours.
- Really?

169
00:08:10,723 --> 00:08:13,048
- Absolutely.
- Oh, thank you.

170
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,205
Well, then, I feel like
I failed as a sales coach.

171
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:18,605
Also I was hoping my tiny act
of generosity might get my foot

172
00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:20,205
in the door for a bigger opportunity.

173
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,489
OK, now you've got me
interested, Martin.

174
00:08:22,525 --> 00:08:23,840
What's the bigger prize?

175
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:25,708
Dinner tonight?

176
00:08:28,251 --> 00:08:29,405
Yeah, all right.

177
00:08:29,950 --> 00:08:32,110
I'm married to a sexist dinosaur.

178
00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:38,925
What?

179
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:41,588
The fact you don't see how
incredibly wrong this is

180
00:08:41,624 --> 00:08:44,245
is even more disturbing than
dreaming it up in the first place.

181
00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,805
What I do know is that if you don't
hurry up and get back on board,

182
00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:48,965
Mr Dipply O'Dickus here
will soon become extinct.

183
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,573
It's not funny, Vincent.

184
00:08:50,609 --> 00:08:51,694
The poor girl.

185
00:08:51,769 --> 00:08:53,165
Not to mention Martin.

186
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:57,041
Yeah, I'm sure that furious, hot
sex with a beautiful woman is tough.

187
00:08:57,125 --> 00:08:58,410
And there it is.

188
00:08:58,445 --> 00:09:01,050
The cherry on top of
this passion-killing cake.

189
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:02,565
She's beautiful, is she?

190
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:03,864
That's not what I meant.

191
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:05,496
Goodnight, Vincent.

192
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:10,400
And just as my mojo was rising
again, Sam had me on a sex ban.

193
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:14,525
Something that I was wishing
Ronnie's wife had done to him

194
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:15,765
24 years ago.

195
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:17,645
Boysies, this is Ronnie Junior.

196
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,765
I'll stop you there. It's RJ. Continue.

197
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,447
He'll be working with us from today.

198
00:09:21,483 --> 00:09:23,765
RJ, Fitzpatrick and Lavender
will train you up,

199
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,405
- take you out, show you the ropes.
- As I said, I won't need training.

200
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:27,618
Have fun.

201
00:09:28,064 --> 00:09:29,864
Lavender here went to university.

202
00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:31,685
Thought he knew it all
when he first turned up.

203
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:34,045
Turns out, the only thing he learned
to transfer to sales

204
00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:37,229
was how to identify various
sexually-transmitted diseases.

205
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,125
It's a steep learning curve, mate.

206
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,885
Well, I imagine it's mainly
strategy and psychology,

207
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,725
in which case it's highly likely
I'll know it all already.

208
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:46,236
Oh, lovely, did you do psychology?

209
00:09:46,389 --> 00:09:47,398
No.

210
00:09:47,748 --> 00:09:48,793
History?

211
00:09:48,829 --> 00:09:51,315
No, look, I don't want to brag.

212
00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:54,944
I'm sure it won't be taken as bragging.

213
00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:56,145
Fine.

214
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,972
I'm in the top-five players
worldwide at Stratego.

215
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:03,667
What the fuck is Stratego?

216
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:06,388
It's an advanced
strategy turn-based board game.

217
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:08,736
Oh, right, well,

218
00:10:08,772 --> 00:10:11,176
unfortunately most of our customers
are above the age of eight,

219
00:10:11,212 --> 00:10:12,963
so I doubt they'll be impressed by that.

220
00:10:12,999 --> 00:10:15,958
And even though this
is a much lowlier arena

221
00:10:15,994 --> 00:10:18,005
than the one in which I
would normally compete,

222
00:10:18,627 --> 00:10:20,999
it's highly likely I'll have something
to teach each of you.

223
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:25,085
All right, well, let's start you off
with something simple.

224
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,993
- How about some teas?
- Go on, then. White, two sugars.

225
00:10:28,029 --> 00:10:31,284
Oh, yeah, OK.

226
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:33,965
MUSIC: I Just Can't Get Enough
by Depeche Mode

227
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,805
We quickly found out why Ronnie
wasn't overly keen to integrate

228
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,767
Junior into the family business.

229
00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:43,965
So, we have established five
different ways in which your life

230
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:47,327
could be immeasurably improved
by having new windows, yeah?

231
00:10:47,363 --> 00:10:49,568
Yeah, but honestly, we can't do it
for the money, Brian.

232
00:10:49,604 --> 00:10:52,456
Look, I've never done this before

233
00:10:52,492 --> 00:10:55,147
and it goes completely against protocol,

234
00:10:55,183 --> 00:10:59,522
but I could try and get you
what is called our VIP rates.

235
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:02,763
- Would it be OK if I use your phone?
- Yeah, of course.

236
00:11:02,799 --> 00:11:06,520
OK, well, I'll leave you
with my colleague, RJ.

237
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:16,485
Yeah. Well, boss, you know,
I wouldn't be asking if I hadn't

238
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:18,800
already closed six deals today.

239
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:24,645
Yeah, I'm on a streak and the
Greenwoods, they're good people.

240
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:28,285
You know, I've purchased
all sorts of crap in my life.

241
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,129
None of it has made me happy.

242
00:11:30,802 --> 00:11:34,621
You know what Sir John Betjeman's
great regret was before he died?

243
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:37,552
Not enough sex.

244
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,864
And that's something
you don't even have to pay for...

245
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:41,819
..all the time.

246
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:45,720
Really? Well, we've never gone that low.

247
00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:47,932
Uh-huh.

248
00:11:48,405 --> 00:11:50,845
Right, we're not comfortable
with the direction this has gone in.

249
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:54,360
- What?
- Your colleague is very, very strange.

250
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:05,160
And it wasn't just on the road
that RJ was proving a liability.

251
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:11,080
Excuse me, could I ask a question
about conservatories?

252
00:12:13,629 --> 00:12:15,316
In a minute, I'm still on a throw.

253
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,085

 I just can't get enough 


254
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,805

 I just can't get enough 


255
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,005

 I just can't get enough 


256
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:24,525

 I just can't get enough 


257
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:26,405

 I just can't get enough

258
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,285
I just can't get enough 


259
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:31,125

 I just can't get enough. 


260
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,925
RJ, what the fuck? You're supposed
to be looking after the showroom.

261
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:37,860
This is a critical phase of battle,
I cannot operate with distractions.

262
00:12:38,254 --> 00:12:40,395
- And who's she?
- She's got a name.

263
00:12:40,548 --> 00:12:43,313
Susie, and I'm here
cos RJ offered me a job.

264
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:45,878
She'll be my assistant.
She's great with figures.

265
00:12:45,914 --> 00:12:47,805
Don't you work in the Flying Horse?

266
00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:49,827
- I did.
- You still do.

267
00:12:49,863 --> 00:12:51,412
Come on, out.

268
00:12:52,153 --> 00:12:53,176
Out!

269
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,480
Ridiculous.

270
00:12:58,549 --> 00:13:00,914
How am I supposed to close a deal
whilst I'm nursemaiding

271
00:13:00,950 --> 00:13:03,155
that charmless freak?

272
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:04,847
I would say he is insane.

273
00:13:04,883 --> 00:13:06,627
Well, I'm sorry,
we can't get rid of him.

274
00:13:06,663 --> 00:13:08,748
He's Ronnie's son,
which makes him like royalty.

275
00:13:08,930 --> 00:13:11,495
Like one of those weird
inbred princes that grow up

276
00:13:11,531 --> 00:13:13,205
to be really fucking dangerous?

277
00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:15,551
- Are you thinking of fairy tales?
- I'm thinking of Prince Edward.

278
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:17,992
Lavender, what have you dug up
on the opposition so far?

279
00:13:18,109 --> 00:13:20,605
As far as I can see,
she just seems to work very hard

280
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:23,022
- and have a bloodhound's nose for a sale.
- That's it?

281
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:25,751
We could have got that
from her fucking CV, mate.

282
00:13:25,787 --> 00:13:27,472
I don't want to push too hard too soon.

283
00:13:27,508 --> 00:13:30,713
You're not taking a fucking shit,
you're spying on a rival.

284
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:33,325
See, boss, I told you,
you should have sent me in as bait.

285
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:36,005
Yeah, the only problem being, you
don't land a prize catch like Jo

286
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:37,445
with a maggot like him.

287
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:38,830
Just come up with something pronto

288
00:13:38,866 --> 00:13:40,384
to stop her stealing
our fucking business

289
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:43,405
before Prince Bellend's dad
decides to send me to Venezuela.

290
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,241
- You mean Coventry?
- I wish I did.

291
00:13:45,965 --> 00:13:47,325
Speak of the devil.

292
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,005
My car keys?

293
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,412
- Thanks, where were they?
- I just took it for a spin.

294
00:13:54,558 --> 00:13:56,518
You might want to get
the gear knob looked at,

295
00:13:56,554 --> 00:13:58,903
it comes right off in your hand when
you try and shift across to third.

296
00:13:59,003 --> 00:14:00,109
It's an automatic.

297
00:14:00,413 --> 00:14:01,890
Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

298
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,093
Can I get a beer?

299
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:09,325

 I know what it means to work hard... 


300
00:14:09,571 --> 00:14:11,190
You left something in the toilet.

301
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:13,138
It's not mine.

302
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:14,885
Shit!

303
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:15,960
Ha!

304
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,805
- Would you look at that?
- What is it?

305
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,383
It's little Donna.

306
00:14:20,419 --> 00:14:21,917
Brendan's daughter, Donna.

307
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,805
Didn't you once take some seedy
photos of her for her dad?

308
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:27,191
I think what you meant to ask was,

309
00:14:27,227 --> 00:14:29,724
didn't I launch that little cracker's
modelling career? And, yes, I did.

310
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,725
Oh, it's nice seeing
her all grown up, isn't it?

311
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:34,485
Not really, it's massively creepy.

312
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,717
She's still not old enough
to buy alcohol.

313
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:41,085
What's creepier? Page 3 or you
trying to censor innocent pictures

314
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:42,565
of the human body?

315
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,845
It's definitely the one
where schoolgirls are paid

316
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:46,439
to bear their breasts for dirty old men.

317
00:14:46,475 --> 00:14:49,571
Carol, do you have any problem
whatsoever with Page 3?

318
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:54,885
Well, it is always in the newspapers
so I suppose they have to report it.

319
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:55,965
Thank you.

320
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,565
A bit of common sense.

321
00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,000
And she's a woman.

322
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:00,847
But it is sexist.

323
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,000
Yeah... Thank you, Carol.

324
00:15:04,699 --> 00:15:07,246
We should invite this local Lolita
down to the shop,

325
00:15:07,667 --> 00:15:11,032
might even attract some customers
to this morgue you call a showroom.

326
00:15:11,068 --> 00:15:12,965
All right, RJ, you stick to Cluedo.

327
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,660
Let the big boys sell the windows.

328
00:15:14,696 --> 00:15:16,285
That's not a terrible idea.

329
00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:19,711
I mean, Donna is a national
sweetheart, albeit a topless one.

330
00:15:20,165 --> 00:15:23,090
Imagine the publicity if we got
her down for a meet and greet.

331
00:15:23,126 --> 00:15:24,552
I like it, Lavatory.

332
00:15:25,116 --> 00:15:26,772
You're starting to think like me.

333
00:15:28,131 --> 00:15:29,376
Thanks for seeing me.

334
00:15:29,412 --> 00:15:32,257
Let me start by saying
how thrilled we are to have played

335
00:15:32,293 --> 00:15:36,053
a small but vital role
in Donna's success.

336
00:15:36,451 --> 00:15:38,882
Now, I know we've had our
differences in the past

337
00:15:38,918 --> 00:15:42,445
and I'd just like to say
that, first and foremost,

338
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,227
I've always considered you a mate.

339
00:15:45,796 --> 00:15:47,550
That's lovely to hear that, Brian.

340
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:51,045
And seeing that it's you and
Vincent, I'm prepared to offer you

341
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:55,360
my one-time mate's rate of...
?1,000 for the afternoon.

342
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:56,885
Oh.

343
00:15:57,917 --> 00:16:00,331
Seems a bit steep... mate.

344
00:16:00,479 --> 00:16:02,990
Usually we charge 500,
but like I said I am doing

345
00:16:03,026 --> 00:16:04,674
you a special mate's rate.

346
00:16:05,294 --> 00:16:06,760
In light of our past.

347
00:16:07,816 --> 00:16:09,160
You're fucking joking.

348
00:16:09,277 --> 00:16:10,776
You take it or leave it...

349
00:16:11,717 --> 00:16:13,633
...you rat-faced wee prick.

350
00:16:15,593 --> 00:16:17,653
I guess I'll start with a positive.

351
00:16:18,533 --> 00:16:21,098
Didn't find any soft porn
in the toilet today.

352
00:16:21,134 --> 00:16:24,294
However, I did find semen on the sink.

353
00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:28,865
No, I'm not pointing the finger,
but just in case anyone

354
00:16:28,901 --> 00:16:32,684
new here is under any doubt,
that's not fucking on.

355
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:34,361
I wondered where that went, cheers.

356
00:16:34,782 --> 00:16:36,107
Mystery solved.

357
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:39,445
While I remember, I've got
some expenses need paying.

358
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:42,765
- What's all this?
- Corporate entertainment.

359
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,965
- Entertainment for what?
- Myself.

360
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,845
It's very boring working here all day,

361
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,125
so in the evenings
I have to entertain myself.

362
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:50,874
Right, RJ, I want you
down the printer's,

363
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:53,063
we need a thousand copies
of this, mate, pronto.

364
00:16:54,397 --> 00:16:55,509
What is it?

365
00:16:56,789 --> 00:16:59,967
Very nice. Tasteful yet risque.

366
00:17:00,003 --> 00:17:02,693
Are you sure making the flyer
transparent was the smartest idea?

367
00:17:02,729 --> 00:17:05,245
It's not transparent, numb nuts,
it's the film the printers

368
00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:06,765
need to run the flyers off.

369
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,285
Look, Sam has put her neck on
the line getting this done for us.

370
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,205
So keep your greasy paws off it.

371
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,697
She's got quite the enigmatic smile.

372
00:17:14,108 --> 00:17:16,520
Maybe she spotted your enigmatic stiffy.

373
00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:19,770
Oh, my God, that is disgusting.

374
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:20,888
Oh, grow up.

375
00:17:21,342 --> 00:17:22,629
All of you.

376
00:17:23,154 --> 00:17:25,279
None of us would be here
if our fathers' penises

377
00:17:25,315 --> 00:17:27,440
didn't engorge with blood
when we needed them to.

378
00:17:27,476 --> 00:17:28,961
What are you still doing here?

379
00:17:28,997 --> 00:17:30,637
Get to the fucking printer's.

380
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,495
But before RJ could
complete our delivery,

381
00:17:35,531 --> 00:17:37,509
he needed to take care
of his own package first.

382
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:43,765

 Tha-tha-tha-tha that's the way
Uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it 


383
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,485

 Uh-huh, uh-huh 


384
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:49,445

 That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh
I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh 


385
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:54,165

 That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh
I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh 


386
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:58,440

 That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh
I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh... 


387
00:18:00,753 --> 00:18:02,078
Do you think you could save it?

388
00:18:02,145 --> 00:18:05,305
Should be able to reconstruct
the lettering. What did it say?

389
00:18:06,438 --> 00:18:07,959
Catch-it Windows?

390
00:18:08,433 --> 00:18:09,784
What about the phone number?

391
00:18:11,253 --> 00:18:14,493
I think that's a one,
that's another one.

392
00:18:15,174 --> 00:18:17,931
Let's go with one, one, one, one.

393
00:18:18,882 --> 00:18:21,407
While RJ was covering up
his spunky tracks,

394
00:18:21,443 --> 00:18:24,584
Lavender was trying to get Jo
to unwrap a few secrets of her own.

395
00:18:25,740 --> 00:18:27,053
Is there something wrong?

396
00:18:27,358 --> 00:18:31,371
No, I just thought
maybe we could talk for a change.

397
00:18:31,407 --> 00:18:34,012
I mean, we barely know anything
about each other.

398
00:18:34,048 --> 00:18:36,253
All right, Michael Parkinson,
what do you need to know

399
00:18:36,289 --> 00:18:39,254
besides I like having sex
and I like you?

400
00:18:39,290 --> 00:18:40,600
How about we play a game?

401
00:18:40,734 --> 00:18:42,771
I'm only interested
if its hide the salami.

402
00:18:42,807 --> 00:18:44,054
I'm serious.

403
00:18:44,530 --> 00:18:46,165
It's an intimacy challenge.

404
00:18:46,349 --> 00:18:48,874
We tell each other one thing secret
about each other.

405
00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:51,125
It can be anything at all,
but it has to be something

406
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:54,285
- we've never told anyone.
- OK, sounds interesting.

407
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,880
- Who's going first?
- I'll kick off.

408
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,765
I once had an affair
with a married woman.

409
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,763
My, Lavender, you dark horse.

410
00:19:02,799 --> 00:19:03,823
Was it recent?

411
00:19:03,859 --> 00:19:06,864
I'm not saying anything else
about it. Your turn.

412
00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:09,785
OK, my first orgasm was at a sleep-over

413
00:19:09,821 --> 00:19:11,866
at my best friend's house.

414
00:19:11,902 --> 00:19:14,067
It was also on her fingers.

415
00:19:14,103 --> 00:19:17,491
- Jesus Christ, that's amazing.
- No, not fair.

416
00:19:17,702 --> 00:19:19,845
I just delivered
a lesbian fingering fantasy.

417
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:21,365
I want something juicier from you.

418
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,375
- You went to a single-sex school, right?
- So?

419
00:19:23,411 --> 00:19:25,296
So, boys are curious at that age.

420
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:27,293
Any sexual experimentation? You know...

421
00:19:27,590 --> 00:19:29,005
You scratch my dick, I'll scratch...

422
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,605
Sorry, the only penis
that has been touched

423
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:35,240
- by these fair hands is my own.
- OK, whose wife was it?

424
00:19:37,042 --> 00:19:40,428
- I'm seriously not going there.
- What a sniff scandal.

425
00:19:40,464 --> 00:19:42,685
Right, I'm going to sing out
some names to see how you react.

426
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,282
- Fitzpatrick.
- Oh, come on.

427
00:19:44,318 --> 00:19:46,583
- Walshie.
- This is daft, no, I'm not doing this.

428
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:47,586
Vincent.

429
00:19:47,622 --> 00:19:50,347
All right, I once wanked off a sixth
former in the art studio at school.

430
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,255
I knew it, so weird.

431
00:19:53,891 --> 00:19:56,011
Come here, you sexy wanker.

432
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:05,445
Is that the flyers?

433
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:06,560
Um, yeah.

434
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,479
RJ, what are these?

435
00:20:10,089 --> 00:20:11,548
The flyers for Saturday's event.

436
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:13,949
That says "catch it".

437
00:20:14,556 --> 00:20:16,940
- Yeah.
- We're called Cachet. Cachet.

438
00:20:17,870 --> 00:20:20,368
We can't use these, you haven't even put
the address of the showroom on there.

439
00:20:20,404 --> 00:20:22,805
And it's got the wrong
fucking telephone number.

440
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,285
One, one, one, one, one, one, one.
How did this happen?!

441
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,037
Look, nobody warned me
not to spill ejaculate on the film.

442
00:20:28,259 --> 00:20:31,784
Because nobody needs to be told that.
Fucking hell.

443
00:20:31,820 --> 00:20:34,409
Look, don't panic, OK?

444
00:20:34,445 --> 00:20:37,445
This is the sort of problem-solving
exercise I encounter in Stratego

445
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:39,165
all the time.

446
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:41,605
What, you get jizz
all over the playing pieces?

447
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:44,685
Tell me, RJ, tell me how exactly
Stratego is going to help us get

448
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,765
back the ?500 you literally
spunked away at the printer's.

449
00:20:48,354 --> 00:20:50,719
Yeah, actually, do you boys
mind taking the rap for this?

450
00:20:50,927 --> 00:20:52,086
It's not the sort of thing

451
00:20:52,122 --> 00:20:53,734
my dad would take any pleasure
in hearing about.

452
00:20:54,153 --> 00:20:57,078
In return for keeping schtum
about his 500 quid fuck-up,

453
00:20:57,114 --> 00:20:59,279
RJ agreed to go
on a sales training course,

454
00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:02,551
the Anglian Windows training course,
to be more precise.

455
00:21:02,703 --> 00:21:05,428
We made him promise to tell his dad
that he was head-hunted,

456
00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:07,189
so that was RJ out of our hair.

457
00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:10,436
But we still had the disastrous
Page 3 promotion to deal with.

458
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,607
Cancel the whole thing.
It's a fucking waste of time.

459
00:21:14,643 --> 00:21:15,962
It's not that simple,

460
00:21:15,998 --> 00:21:18,567
we're cancelling within 48 hours,
she'd expect paying.

461
00:21:18,603 --> 00:21:20,965
- How much are we in for?
- Another grand.

462
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,405
Are you pricks trying
to get me killed by Ronnie?

463
00:21:23,441 --> 00:21:26,086
Look, it'll be fine. I'll
have a word with Donna,

464
00:21:26,122 --> 00:21:28,447
tell her how things work
in the real world.

465
00:21:28,483 --> 00:21:31,168
I mean, this is Brendan's daughter
we're talking about here.

466
00:21:31,204 --> 00:21:32,889
Not Richard fucking Branson.

467
00:21:32,925 --> 00:21:37,055
So, Donna. I can understand
that feelings will be hurt,

468
00:21:37,091 --> 00:21:40,416
but this is a business
and I'm afraid the situation is

469
00:21:40,452 --> 00:21:42,772
that you're not going to get paid.

470
00:21:45,056 --> 00:21:47,246
It's a contract like any other, Brian.

471
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:50,942
On top of that, we have
a first-rate legal team

472
00:21:50,978 --> 00:21:54,645
of a major national newspaper
behind us, which, I would imagine,

473
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,857
would take you into territory
you can't afford.

474
00:21:57,733 --> 00:22:01,597
So, yeah, I'll be taking
that payment in full, please.

475
00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:04,540
OK, sure.

476
00:22:08,616 --> 00:22:10,243
- Morning, Brian.
- Oh!

477
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:12,160
Jesus!

478
00:22:13,081 --> 00:22:15,766
RJ, what are you doing here?

479
00:22:15,803 --> 00:22:17,288
I thought you were sacked.

480
00:22:17,324 --> 00:22:19,449
I mean, I thought you were training.

481
00:22:19,485 --> 00:22:22,570
It look the course leader
less than six minutes to ascertain

482
00:22:22,606 --> 00:22:24,571
I was vastly overqualified.

483
00:22:24,801 --> 00:22:26,774
I agreed and he gave me the week off.

484
00:22:26,810 --> 00:22:28,365
It's a good call from him, to be fair.

485
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:31,605
I felt partially responsible for the
printer mix-up the other day,

486
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:36,130
so I dived into Dad's Rolodex,
made a few calls and,

487
00:22:36,166 --> 00:22:39,531
well, what would you say
if I could get a world champion

488
00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:42,292
in their field down to the showroom
this afternoon to put

489
00:22:42,328 --> 00:22:44,002
in a personal appearance?

490
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:48,018
I'd say if it's a world
champion in Stratego,

491
00:22:48,237 --> 00:22:49,757
you can fuck off now.

492
00:22:55,292 --> 00:22:57,246
You will have noticed
I'm still here, Brian.

493
00:22:58,446 --> 00:23:01,531
And joining me this afternoon
will be none other than

494
00:23:01,567 --> 00:23:03,927
Steve fucking Davis.

495
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:08,720
TV: <i>It comes down to this final pink.</i>

496
00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:13,365
<i>That's it, the World Snooker champion.</i>

497
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,518
For once, RJ had managed to pull off
something other than himself.

498
00:23:16,802 --> 00:23:19,850
Steve Davis was managed by an old
drinking pal of Ronnie Senior's,

499
00:23:19,886 --> 00:23:22,163
a certain Mr Barry Hearn.

500
00:23:22,357 --> 00:23:25,722
When RJ called, Barry just happened
to be sitting down with Steve.

501
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:29,045
It turned out Steve was free that
afternoon and RJ had just fluked

502
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:30,880
the 147 of lucky breaks.

503
00:23:31,722 --> 00:23:33,335
Ladies and gentlemen, Steve Davis.

504
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:38,881
Can I have your
autograph, please, Steve?

505
00:23:41,099 --> 00:23:43,726
- There you are.
- So what's it like playing at the Crucible?

506
00:23:43,762 --> 00:23:46,955
Yeah, it's a good place to play snooker.

507
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,823
What's going through your head
in a high-pressure shot?

508
00:23:49,859 --> 00:23:54,504
Yeah, you know, I'm just trying
my best to not miss.

509
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:56,679
Do you know any good trick shots?

510
00:23:56,715 --> 00:23:58,417
Mate, I'm the king of trick shots.

511
00:23:58,453 --> 00:24:00,733
But there's no table, so...

512
00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:03,160
Right.

513
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:06,045
To be honest, I was surprised

514
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:08,221
because I normally do bookings
at snooker clubs.

515
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:11,208
There's not really
anything I can do here.

516
00:24:11,614 --> 00:24:13,134
Thanks anyway, Steve.

517
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:18,964
Where is everyone?

518
00:24:19,371 --> 00:24:21,000
I know we didn't have time to advertise,

519
00:24:21,036 --> 00:24:22,897
but Steve Davis is
quite impressive, right?

520
00:24:22,933 --> 00:24:25,218
Until you actually meet
the boring fucker.

521
00:24:25,254 --> 00:24:26,579
Was it two sugars, Martin?

522
00:24:26,615 --> 00:24:27,790
Oh, yeah, thanks, Steve.

523
00:24:30,162 --> 00:24:32,967
Listen, I was thinking,
seeing as it's quietened down,

524
00:24:33,003 --> 00:24:35,008
would it be OK
if I shot off a bit early?

525
00:24:35,044 --> 00:24:36,443
No, it fucking wouldn't, Steve.

526
00:24:39,183 --> 00:24:40,457
Is there sugar in that?

527
00:24:40,493 --> 00:24:42,619
Oh, Brian, I'm sorry,
I'll get you another one.

528
00:24:43,437 --> 00:24:45,283
Oh, the love of my life.

529
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,485
Couldn't resist the allure
of a snooker superstar.

530
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:50,365
Look, I warn you,
he takes a bit of warming up.

531
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,925
I think that Page 3 girl
you had booked is appearing

532
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,805
down at Walshie's new place.
He's absolutely rammed.

533
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:57,725
Oh, that's where everyone is.

534
00:24:57,760 --> 00:24:58,859
Unlucky, boys.

535
00:24:58,895 --> 00:25:01,100
It looks like you've been beaten
by the better woman.

536
00:25:01,136 --> 00:25:04,156
A Page 3 promotion. Who's
the sexist dinosaur now, then?

537
00:25:04,192 --> 00:25:06,432
- That's still you.
- Let's get over there.

538
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:09,504
Oh, where's everyone going?

539
00:25:09,540 --> 00:25:12,985
Fucking rival firm has nicked
our Page 3 promotion idea.

540
00:25:13,021 --> 00:25:14,809
Oh, can I come?

541
00:25:14,982 --> 00:25:17,627
No, sorry, someone needs
to stick around here,

542
00:25:17,663 --> 00:25:19,293
look after the showroom, Steve.

543
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:33,925
Ah! You'll have to join the sizeable
queue if you're looking to sign up

544
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,365
for one of our Page 3
stunner deals, Vincent.

545
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:39,205
This was our fucking idea.
This event is an infringement

546
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:41,805
- on our intellectual copyright.
- Wrong, boys.

547
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,021
You men think you have the
monopoly on using sex to sell?

548
00:25:44,057 --> 00:25:46,262
Although to give you credit,
you did stumble on the idea

549
00:25:46,298 --> 00:25:48,063
of putting boobs in a showroom first,

550
00:25:48,099 --> 00:25:50,104
by hiring this pair of tits - ha!

551
00:25:50,140 --> 00:25:51,905
This is your fucking fault, Lavender.

552
00:25:51,941 --> 00:25:53,706
You were supposed to be spying on her,

553
00:25:53,742 --> 00:25:55,821
not tipping her off
to our every fucking move.

554
00:25:56,214 --> 00:25:57,779
Honestly, I didn't tell her anything.

555
00:25:57,815 --> 00:26:00,086
Other than your avant-garde
sixth-form studies.

556
00:26:00,122 --> 00:26:02,404
This is low.
I thought we had an agreement.

557
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,805
I understood you thought
you'd flash your green eyes at me

558
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:06,605
and I'd start blabbing company secrets

559
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,098
- for you to carry back to your boss.
- How could you think that?

560
00:26:09,134 --> 00:26:11,658
Because that is exactly what Vincent,
or should I call him your pimp,

561
00:26:11,694 --> 00:26:14,219
- literally just blurted out.
- Yeah, fair enough.

562
00:26:14,493 --> 00:26:17,060
- Christ, how long have you known?
- From the beginning, obviously.

563
00:26:17,096 --> 00:26:20,565
God, I feel so... used.

564
00:26:20,601 --> 00:26:22,565
And for the record,
Martin didn't tell us anything.

565
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,062
It's Brendan that offered us
Donna's services as a freebie.

566
00:26:25,098 --> 00:26:27,766
Apparently she was already
being paid for by you lot,

567
00:26:27,802 --> 00:26:29,383
so cheers for that, Cachet.

568
00:26:29,919 --> 00:26:31,685
Yeah, now that you mention it,

569
00:26:32,005 --> 00:26:34,247
seeing as Donna has got herself
another booking,

570
00:26:34,283 --> 00:26:36,519
we don't have to honour
our original payment agreement.

571
00:26:36,555 --> 00:26:37,735
What was that, now?

572
00:26:37,938 --> 00:26:40,783
Brian was threatening
not to pay us again, Dad.

573
00:26:40,819 --> 00:26:42,571
Threaten is a loaded term.

574
00:26:43,045 --> 00:26:45,712
More exploring the idea, Brendan.

575
00:26:45,767 --> 00:26:48,572
Unless you fancy exploring
the back of my van with duct tape

576
00:26:48,608 --> 00:26:51,493
round your wrists and mouth,
I suggest you pay my daughter

577
00:26:51,529 --> 00:26:55,889
- what was promised.
- Yeah, no, well, we had a contract.

578
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:58,965
Look, I don't know
if any of you are snooker fans,

579
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,085
but if you want to meet

580
00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:02,485
the three-times
World Champion Steve Davis,

581
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:06,142
he is currently over at the Cachet
Windows showroom on Southend Road.

582
00:27:06,178 --> 00:27:08,703
- Is he doing trick shots?
- No, no fucking trick shots

583
00:27:08,739 --> 00:27:10,526
but he can give you playing tips,

584
00:27:10,562 --> 00:27:13,807
or a very funny story about Terry
Griffiths and some lost keys.

585
00:27:13,843 --> 00:27:16,088
Oh, and he makes a mean cup of tea.
Anyone?

586
00:27:16,124 --> 00:27:19,089
Oh, there is 1,001 questions
I'd like to ask

587
00:27:19,125 --> 00:27:21,217
- Steve fucking Davis.
- Here we go.

588
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,325
- Ronnie.
- Chief among them being why

589
00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:26,405
his tool of a manager Barry Hearn seems

590
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:29,005
to be under the impression I'm
giving him and that boring ginger

591
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,611
pillock a free fucking
conservatory each.

592
00:27:31,647 --> 00:27:33,047
Ronnie, I can explain.

593
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:39,165

 You don't have to take this crap 


594
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,805

 You don't have to sit back and relax 


595
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:46,965

 You can actually try changing it 


596
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:50,205

 I know we've always been
taught to rely 


597
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:53,325

 Upon those in authority 


598
00:27:53,360 --> 00:27:56,205

 But you never know until you try 


599
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:59,045

 How things just might be 


600
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:02,400

 If we came together so strongly... 


601
00:28:02,450 --> 00:28:07,000
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